Just a thought, a letter and a longing..

[+Remus Lupin+]

Wonderfull..of all places Remus had to choose from to have solitude he had chosen the Owlery. The great hall was too noisy, the room of requirement had never gotten anything right for him and the common room, most cosiest place in the world was full of yappy first years. It was never like the prefect to have anything against the lower years, but having them surround you was just too much to cope. Today was the perfect day to send a note home and see how his father was these days. Remus had'nt been at school very long and already he was beginning to worry about what was going on at home. He had good reason to worry. Ever since last summer when his father had a mental break down he had taken up heavy drinking, smoking and he seemed not to care. Remus himself had taken up the drink, but he felt his reason was greater than his father's had been. His father had always drank, but never in such great amounts. He had worried his son nearly to the point of coming directly home and on occasion had to be placed in St. Mungos for a time. James, Sirius and Peter knew some of the story because they had proded, poked and bribed him with candy (peter's idea) to get it out of him. The worst, however, was still buried deep within Remus and he would'nt let it out even with the strongest persuasion. The mental abuse was bad, but afew times his own father beat him bloody. Thankfully, Remus was skilled in treating wounds for he had treated many of his own after monthly events. His heart could endure the pain of the beatings, but the pain to lose another loved one would drive Remus into an early grave.

The boy pulled a long feather quill from the pocket of his robes along with abit of parchment to write what he thought would end up to earn him a full year of beatings. Words, written or spoken, never seemed to be enough. It had to be a person that the victim of his own demons trusted heartily and loved splendedly. Then the thought occured to him. Agatha.. Echoed in his mind over and over again. Agatha was his beloved grandmother, the mother of his own mother that died so long ago. She had helped him when his father sank into his moments of deep sorrow and loneliness. Remus could'nt blame his father for wanting to die any more than he could blame the moon rising. If someone Remus desperately loved suddenly was swiped away from him, he would throw himself into one thousand silver stakes.

Immidiately his mind came back to the present when an owl decided to have a little practice. Luckily, Remus side-stepped just in time and glared at the darn owl for even attempting to hit him. Moving his thoughts back to the note to Agatha, Remus strode over to a table in the corner and sat down warrily, making sure no other bird was in the mood for target practice. He stretched the parchment across the table and set a half-empty inkwell to the side of it to be ready. He placed the quill in hand and began writting, hoping old Agatha would know what to do.

Dearest Agatha,

I am agrieved to tell you, but I believe you must be the first to know before anyone else finds out. Father is dreadfully ill due to the drinking problem he has had for years and he needs someone to be there. I have tried my hardest to be there, but it only ends up in a bad situation that I have a hard time getting out for good. I feel dreadfull that I must burden you with this task Agatha, but I fear for his safety and am concerned for his health. Be advised St. Mungos is aware of his condition and they are always ready to take him in again when needed. I will do my best to keep in touch.

Much love,
Remmy

Post Script,
I have been cut off from my regular supply of wolfsbane potion. I have spoken with proffesor Dumbledore and he has advised me to ask you to make it for me. You will receive payment if it is necessary.

Remus must have read and re-read the letter twenty times before he thought it suitable enough to me post marked. He folded it neatly and placed it in a cream colored envelope. Next was his choice of owls. The prefect rose to his feet after placing his quill and inkwell safely into his robes. The lot of owls was a shabby one indeed. Finally, after two scruffy looking barn owls and a sick looking snowy, Remus called down a large great horned owl with afew missing feathers. It's confirmed this one won't be intercepted. Remus thought suddenly, but it is not clear why. There was'nt anything extremely important in the letter he had written so who ever intercepted shabby owls must not have had enough to do with their lives. With one great beat of the wings, the owl was off carrying the attached letter with great enthusiasm. The boy watched it fondly for a time and then jumped abit when he heard a scuffling sound coming some where behind him. It was natural for this room to be visited often, but Remus was'nt expecting anyone in the heat of the day.

[Parker Williams]

Parker often came up to the owlry for a bit of peace, seeing as she loved the different types of owls that there were to offer, none of which were close to that of Artemis, her own tawny owl, who sat perched high above in the owlry. It wasn't only for peace that she went up there however, but to write constant letters to her sister Christina, who, had this previous summer, just gotten married. She worried about her sister, as she had often suspected that the bruises on Tina's arms were more than just bumps and bruises. So she wrote to her weekly, if only to make sure that the brute that her sister loved hadn't killed her. She had the letter in hand, and was ready to send it off.

The common room was noisy enough, but it seemed so quiet in the owlry, even with the squaking and cooing of the soft owls at mid-day, thought most were sleeping. She was simple today, wearing nothing but a blue camisole and low rise jeans so that you could see the piercing of her belly-button that glimmered in the sunshine. Her hair was wet from swimming and down and she wore blue and white trainers.

As she entered the owlry, she noticed Remus, and she grinned a bit. But something was off about him. He was always a bit down sometimes, but never like this, he radiated a somewhat depressed aura. She had been friends with him before any of the other Marauders, as she was a bit annoyed with James and Sirius from the beginning. The scuffle of her feet soon turned into a bang as she slipped and hit the ground. Ouch, her clumsiness took over. That wasn't the worst part, she was always embarassed when it was around other people that she fell. A blush crept upon her milky skin and she smiled as she got up and spoke.

"Ouch...I'm okay!" She said brightly, standing up. She looked at him for another moment and added, "But you seem a bit...bruised mentally...want to talk?" She said sweetly sitting on one of the window sills, pushing her hair out of her face. He had helped her out on so many occaisions, that she felt it somewhat of her duty to help him. Besides, he was her friend, and what were friends for if not to listen to the problems of their friends.

[+Remus Lupin+]

Remus was relieved to see someone he knew and was on friendly terms with, rather than someone he knew and deeply loathed. He doubted most Slytherins had times to even care about their family members muchless their fellow students. The sudden thought of Slytherins was just about as revolting as Snape running in a field of daises. That particular dream frightened him beyond all hope and he himself prayed he would never bear witness to such a thing. So here Remus stood, face to face with a fellow Gryffindor and in a sorry state of depression to top it all. It was times like these the very edge of the tower balcony looked more and more inviting. Atleast the letter was off and, hopefully, safely in its owners hand by now. He wondered if Agatha would take care of both matters, but he was sure she would not be long in writting back to him. Afterall, his grandmother rarely did anything nowadays besides look after her two best boys. Well, three if her black cat named Rufus was included in that lot.

Remus was in simple dress nearly every day. Today, however, he wore nice black jeans, apparently new, a black t-shirt with The madness within written across it in red lettering and black tenni shoes. It was a rare thing to see Remus in anything black or dark colored clothing wise, besides the school robes. He wore one of those today as well so that it covered nearly every bit of his wore drobe atleast from afar. Black was how he felt today so black was the way he would look, even if it meant more curiousity about him then ever imagined. His hair was scattered about as normal and if one could'nt tell straight off, it was clear it had gotten longer.

When he saw Parker fall, Remus became worried, wondering if she was all right. He himself had his occasional thrills in spills, but most of the time there was a third party involved. Not to name any innocents, but either James or Sirius was the plotter and Peter some how always was close enough to laugh up a storm. He loved all his friends to death, but some things they did either wanted him to laugh histerically or haul back and slap the crud out of them. Parker, to put it simply, was just different. She was one of the closest friends he had and probably the only one he pour his heart out to, save afew thoughts. When in doubt, she, besides school clowns number one and two, was always one to make him laugh or at least bring a smile to his face.

Now here he was, in front of her and coming to the conclusion he had to let come one know. He was glad to see there was still Parker around when he had not seen hide nor hair of anyone else since the start of term. Remus took a deep sigh and turned away from her suddenly. He took to leaning on the window sill next to hers and staring at the ground below, imagining himself coming closer and closer to it the longer he stared. He shook the thought away and instead watched the placid black lake, save afew students bounding in and out of its surface. Now seemed like a good a time as any to get some much needed weight off his chest.

"It seems I have little choice and I suppose it will be good to get some things out." Remus said as he still studied the lake. Random thoughts of summer days beside it came into his mind, washing away some of the bad that had happened. He knew, however, he could not hide behind his make believe mask that he wore on days like today. "I have'nt told anyone," he began, voice soft, but firm on speaking,"but my father has been in deep into bad situations for the better part of these last two years. I know it's not my say, but I am concerned for his safety and for his health." There was abit of information to bide himself more thinking time on how he would phrase the next part. "I don't care how badly he hurts me, but I can't stand to watch him harm himself." Remus added with some difficulty as he watched the grounds, apparently trying to find comfort as he spoke his mind.

[Parker Williams]

Parker was overwhelmed that the boy standing in front of her trusted her enough to tell her this. And it was suffice to say she knew exactly what he was going through. It brought back painful memories of the people that had hurt her, namely her own father. Being in the same position he was, if he needed help, she would give it to him, and obviously more than just his ego was bruised with his battles with his father. Her own childhood torment was enough to deal with, but it seemed she was going to have to relive it...again. The pain, the suffering...the bruises. It was hard to have to remember her mother screaming and crying, trying to get away, her father taking his frustrations out on her. And she had only been not even ten at the time.

So she didn't surprise herself when she went over to hug Remus. It was a simple act of friendship, so innocent. But all the while, she found herself wanting to cry. She held back, and kissed him on the cheek. She looked at him, keeping her face somewhat close to his, but not too close. "I'm so sorry...I think your dad, my dad, and my sisters fiance should have a party..." She laughed a bit, her eyes sparkling. She walked back over to the window sill, looking out the window.

She looked back at him as she continued, elaborating a bit. "My dad...wasn't a great guy. I think he had a hard time finding out that my mom was a witch, cause she didn't tell him till after I was born. My sister, my brother and I were...tormented. Just...he had the worst temper in the world, more so when he drank, which was often. And my mother would say something to upset him, and instead of just taking it out on her, he'd find something we did to hurt us for. I was only nine when he really started on me...but I saw so much. He left when I was twelve, and thank Merlin for that...cause as far as I'm concerned, I don't have a father..." She voice was strong, but cracked a bit at the very end. She was trying so hard not to cry. "Just know that I know what you're going through...and I'm here if you need to talk...but don't let him hurt you...or himself if you are the type that really care, which I'm assuming you are. The funny thing was...when I was nine, I thought all families got hit like that...that it was normal, so I loved him regardless...I know now its not normal Remus. And it made me stronger..." She looked at him, the same familiar sparkle in her eyes, that showed him she was alright.

[+Remus Lupin+]

Remus remained leaning over the window sill, listening intently as Parker told him of her own dreadfull past. Normal families did not have children to use as punching bags or wives to beat and abuse like a banged up library book. It made him furiated of the time his father had slapped Agatha once, but the way they fought it was like one would think they were married. Remus shook mentally at the thought of having Agatha as a mother. There was'nt anything bad about the old girl, but it was just some of the things she conjured up that made some one literally grind their teeth together. Oh the joys of family hood..

At the mention of his father, Parker's sister's fiance and her own father get together for a party made him grin abit. Barely noticible, but still apparent if you looked extremely close. It was at the moment when Parker paused in speech, seeming to him like she was going to cry that he turned around in her direction. He studied her face as she spoke of a troubled past, an abusive father..it seemed their pain was similiar, but yet it had one missing detail. It was relieving to know that his mother was'nt there to endure the ceaseless torment of her husband. Remus knew for a solid fact that both of his parents had an extrodinary relationship for which Remus was greatfull. If it had been any different, Remus would not be standing here in the Owlery with Parker.

"Some days I believe that I seem to care too much Parker. It might sound senseless, but more than half of the school knows I don't hold many grudges and I forgive those that have wronged me or others easily,"
Remus said quietly, knowing what he said was true. It was in this moment Remus took a deep sigh and turned away once more, his thoughts straining to the small bottle of hard liqour stowed away in his dormitory somewhere hidden and safe. This was one of those times he felt he really needed the warming effects it possessed. It was better than the cold draught of wolfsbane potion he had to take each and every month. Absentmindedly a hand began feeling inside the pocket of his robes, the norm place of hiding for the liquid fire for he so longed. He tried his best to hide this ritual from Parker, unaware in his other pocket was a vile of hard core liqour, corked and safe. He did not know, however, the particular pocket contained a small tear and in a moment the vile had slipped carelessly from the pocket to its fate. Remus turned as he heard the breaking of apparently thin vile, his boot splattered with the liqour and bits of glass surrounding the spot.

[Parker Williams]

All thoughts of herself seemed to sort of evaporate as she tried to console him. She needed to help him, it was all she could do at this point. He was her friend. So she had a bit of advice to give him. She just had to get her own thoughts in order first. She knew what she needed to tell him. He needed to hate him, not just for his father to realize that he was hurting him, but that hating him would help him deal with it. Eventually, he would be able to get through this and love him again. But otherwise, they could end up hurting for the rest of their lives.

"Remus..." She started, wanting to give him advice, but heard the breaking of glass and the strong smell of firewhiskey hung in the air. She knew something like this would happen, it happened to her, only it wasn't drinking. Sometimes you just had to bleed to know that you were alive. She got through that too, but drinking, well...that was a bit more serious, not. She couldn't compare the two addictions. Wasn't this the thing he was trying to escape. Liquor? Because really, that was what lead to the voilence. That was the thing that worried her the most.

She looked up to him, eyes full of concern and a bit of hurt mixed in. There was no surprise, no disapointment, only a caring face of a friend. Now, she wasn't sure how to help him, all she knew was that it was good that this was out at least, because secrets...were never fun. She hated secrets, because her own past held so many.
"Remus, is this just an innocent thing, or should I be worried? Because I am...isn't this what you're trying to escape?" There wasn't disappointment in her voice, only care, softness, a gentle tone that she rarely had actually. He had to face this, and now she herself had made a silent vow to face it with him.

-Crap, but I have to go to bed soon...like...almost now.-

[+Remus Lupin+]

His eyes did not leave the broken glass, but watched as the firewhiskey traced its way along the cracks in the brick floor. His mouth parted and he licked his lips lightly, his thirst for the liquid nearly to the point of insanity. He shook his head suddenly and vigorously, hating himself for becoming the drunk his father had become simply through years of torment. He turned again, unable to look Parker in the eye for time. He could'nt let her see it was deeper than that. He shut his eyes for a few moments as he leaned against the ledge again. He could not bring himself to tell her what he had been fighting since the age of five. He knew he could not escape it, yet still he fought, lost each time miserably as the next. He was slowly beginning to hate his father and it gave him some comfort. It was hard to build hate for someone you loved so many years, but it hurt worse when he had to stand beside someone who beat him like he never existed. He had a bad feeling his father blamed him for the taking of his wife, yet he could not understand she was the mother of Remus, his own son.

His eyes snapped open once more, staring at the inviting ground. He would have given anything to erase this moment, let him live and drown in liqour in order to ease his pain. Three knew of his cursing and now a fourth would be let in on the secret, if she had not already identified him as such. He turned slowly around, bringing his gaze to meet hers again. He felt his throat clench tightly, but a clearing of it and a hand to massage it soon eased it to make the words run smooth. He knew not how she would take it, whether she would fear him for the rest of her days or accept him for who he was. He was still the same Remus Lupin she knew, but now she would know he had a furry little problem, or so Sirius had put it so light heartedly. With a deep breath, Remus looked her in the eye again and suddenly he was abit calmer at the moment.

"There's something I have hidden from you Parker, for all these years," Remus began, knowing there was nothing to it but to continue,"I...I.." He was beginning to feel like a muggle coo-coo clock, always repeating so annoyedly. "I am a werewolf." He finally spoke quietly, in almost an unaudible whisper. It seemed he had completely ignored her concern about the drinking. He could'nt take it anymore. As quickly as he had said the line, he turned about, shaking furiously and thinking he had permanently lost a friend all because of something he had no control over. He deeply wanted to do atleast something about his problem, but as sorrow-filled as it seemed, there was no cure. He and his father had tried to pry some information out of St. Mungos, but their efforts were in vain. Remus felt suddenly that he was glad this was his last year so he could hide away, never to be seen by civilization again.

[Parker Williams]

Parker didn't fully comprehend the magnitude of truth in his words, and merely brushed them off as a cruel distraction technique. Which somewhat worried her, because him changing the subject meant that the drinking was in fact a problem. If she had realized that he was telling the truth, she wouldn't have hated him in the slighest. In fact, she was quiet angered when she saw the injustice what most would call half-breeds, or near human. Why couldn't people just accept one another and get on with life in Harmony. It was the reason that the whole war within their world was happening in the first place. Werewolves were not bad people, she was raised by her mother to believe that as fact. Truely, girls...not so much fun to be around a week during the month. But that was besides the point, as Remus wasn't a werewolf, and was just trying to avoid the inevitable.

"Remus Lupin, don't you try and change the subject, especially wi..." She stopped mid-sentence as she saw the look on his face, really saw it. Remus was a werewolf. And for some reason, she saw him in a completely different light then she did before. Before he was her friend, smart, funny, nice...now he was what he had always been, the person she had never really seen. One of her best friends; funny, smart, talented, kind, caring, and most of all...brave. She walked back over to him, a clever smirk on her face, and hugged him. He had not only lived with this secret, he had to live with the curse, which was probably the worst of all. But if he thought that was going to get rid of her, he was sorely mistaken.

"You think thats going to get rid of me Remus Lupin...you're so wrong...like it or not, you're stuck with me." She grinned, pulling back from the hug. But when she did, her face was kept close, and before she knew it, her subconsious mind obviously realized that there were feelings there, somewhere, that wanted to be more than friends with him, and before she knew it, she softly touched her lips to his. She had just kissed Remus Lupin, one of her best friends in the world. A part of her felt something when she did it, it wasn't fireworks, but it wasn't nothing either. But at the same time, a part of her wished she could take it back. But that one kiss seemed to take and eternity, and the world stopped for that one second, and she pulled away blushing, not knowing really what to think, or much of what to say.

[+Remus Lupin+]

Remus looked at her her, watching her reaction with little to no suprise. It had been nearly the same when he had told James, Sirius and Peter afew days after their first year. He knew they were bound to find out just as Parker had been as well. He felt as a disgrace and a coward for hiding from most of his friends, hoping he would'nt lose them. He had always been skeptical of letting his friends in on the secret for fear of them following him one full moon night. Thankfully, none did unless they were in animagi form. He had told the stag, dog and rat not to come after him, but they were bound to stay up in the common room just to have McGonagal breathing down their necks. The staff, however, had always known of his ability and confronted him often to see how he was handling it, if he needed anything to help him. If Remus was the greedy type he would have every staff member be on their toes, responding to his every beck and call. He had never been thought to be that type, unless it came to books which he always ended up admitting.

All of that was besides the point now. Parker Williams, a girl he had fancied, admired and had become his best friend just kissed him. His eyes were truly unbelieving of what he actually saw: a girl whom he had just told he was a werewolf had feelings for him. Yes Remus Lupin was dumbfounded, shocked and everything else in between. How could some so gentle, so kind-hearted feel anything for someone so merciless, cold hearted and with the knowledge they were immensely dangerous? Some how he knew he could not kid himself any longer. He too had feelings for Parker, feelings that could explain the rise of jealously when she was with Sirius on a number of occasions. Most of the time he pictured not Sirius holding her hand, kissing her, being there for her, but he invisioned himself by her side. He never had the heart to say anything and just watched as the person he never thought would notice him slip further and further away. What a fool he was, blinded by his bookishness, unable to see what most guys saw instantly. A girl caring for them.

Suprised at his own reaction, Remus found himself returning the kiss and soon realized it seemed to be an eternity, like he knew Parker for his whole life. In an instant it was over and as he saw her blushing, he felt his own face flush with color. He could see she was just as speechless as him, but he tried desperately to hide his feelings from his eyes, knowing she was making a mistake. Remus did not deserve a girl so beautiful, so passionately caring for him, muchless the fact he did not deserve to walk upon this Earth. Yet he definately cared for her as he searched within his own heart. Yes something had sparked at the moment of the kiss and he knew he had fallen deeper for her. He had tried so hard not to fall for anyone, as hard as he had tried to stop drowning in his sorrow, but it was difficult. He still had a portion of him that was human and could feel those kinds of feelings. He did not know what to say or what to do. All he did was stand there, looking at her with eyes filled with suprise and above all, a longing.

[Parker Williams]

Parker found herself still blushing and looking to the floor, unsure of what to say. She found herself falling fast for the boy in front of her. But did she really want a relationship? That seemed to be the question of the hour. Did she really want to be tied down with anyone? She had only been in one serious relationship before, and she knew that she had only felt this way once before as well...with Sirius. But this was different, more innocent than the relationship she had with Sirius in fourth year. Needless to say there was so much fighting, but passion. The two of them were so alike, they clashed at every turn, and needless to say, Sirius couldn't really be serious. Remus was different though. He was one of her best friends, and the nicest guy she had ever met. She knew that she didn't want to ruin the friendship they had, as she had a major tendency to not be completely commited to relationships.

So why should he trust her. Why was he so willing to trust her with his secrets. She didn't deserve that, or him...at all. He was so great, and she...she is a former flirt, the kind of girl who dates around...the kind that flirts mercilessly, and he had, on many late night prefect rounds, found her in a broom closet snogging. So why, in Merlins name was he putting his trust, his heart...into commiting to her, of course, she was jumping the gun. That was just one kiss, and she had initiated it. 'But he kissed me back...' She thought to herself, but pushed that thought away from her mind. She looked up at him, as he stood a good two three inches taller than her, and pushed a bit of hair from her face. She bit her lip, not knowing what to do or what to say, and before she knew it...she was running out the door.

Why did she always do this? Flee at any sign of commitment. It was crazy, but before actually leaving the room, she turned around and looked at him once more, nearly in tears. And she actually had the nerve to say something to him, of course, it would be worse if she hadn't said anything. Her voice cracked a bit as she spoke, and she was actually scared...not of him, but of herself, of course, he wouldn't be able to tell. "I...I'm sorry...I have to go..." The look on her face was hard, almost too upset with herself for letting go of her inhibitions for that one moment, but with the last fleeting second she met her eyes with his, but continued out the door and down the steps.

--(I could stop here...but so much drama.)--

When she got to her dormitory, she was lucky to find that no one was awake, Kara was snoring, and Lily and Taylor sleeping soundly. She ran into the bathroom and locked the door, turning the faucet so that the running water masked her tears. Why was she so upset over this? It had nothing to do with him anymore, it was her own feelings ringing in her thoughts. The bathroom smelled like Lily's perfume...Vanilla. It was the little things that Parker noticed when she was upset. She leaned against the door and slid down, her tears falling harder and faster now, so that her face was streaked and wet. She ran her hands through her hair, hating herself for doing this to him. He was probably thinking that she hated him, but it wasn't that at all. In fact, she actually really liked him. But it was the fact that he was so great, and with everything she had done in her life, she didn't feel like she deserved him. That and the fact that she was angry for being afraid of commitment.

About five minutes later, she stood up and looked in the mirror. Her face was wet and puffy, smudged with black mascara and eyeliner, her hair was ratted. She quietly washed her face and brushed out the knots in her hair. Perfect again, as always. She hated herself at this moment in time. Looking at her reflection, she didn't really see herself anymore. So she slipped into her racerback fitted tank and short pajama boxers, pulling her hair in a loose ponytail on the top of her head. She then continued on to her bed, taking out the thick lime green journal and quill from under her bed, writing the contents of her feelings in the obviously used journal. She began to look through her tiny book of quotes, because that was how she started each entry. One in particular stood out to her, and she forced herself to hold back tears as she wrote it.

'The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love the two of which go hand in hand. To really be totally in love with someone, you have to be friends first.'

[+Remus Lupin+]

As hard as he tried, Remus could not catch Parker's eyes. He wanted to in hopes of seeing her reaction, yet within moments he could have sworn he would be able to see atleast something. Agony, hurt, contentment, hatred, anything that would make him stay away or be in pursuit of this girl for the rest of his life. His mind as well as his heart knew something was happening and that it could not be helped. He had never felt this way about anyone, much less gotten into a relationship with a girl. Sure he came close afew times and was happy with himself that he was liked in that way by the handfull of girls, but it never was more than just a fling.
Most girls he knew could ever be serious for he nearly always saw them giggling uncontrollably as he watched James and Sirius flirt with them. In a way, Remus envied them for their smug style, charming ways and irresistable word usage that made girls weak in the knees for them. They both had been in relationships, many ones in fact, but nothing that seemed to ever last.
He thought Sirius and Parker were made for each other, but it was about his fifth year when he started having feelings for Parker. He saw her as a girl for once, not a tomboy like she often portrayed herself to be. He watched her from afar, knowing she could never be in love with someone such as he, a vile and merciless creature unfit to stand in the shadow of the girl. He had always thought his future to be horrible, lonesome even as he lived in some muggle apartment, drink in hand as he watched Parker's picture moving around as its frame was placed on the mantle.

At that moment, the door closing shut brought him back to reality. Finally he caught Parker's eyes and suddenly he found himself darting after her, his arm grabbing the handle and pulling it open. Yet here he stood, in the doorway as he watched her robes disappear from his sight. His mind was screaming at him You stupid idiot, go after her! Don't let her get away from you fool! You are in love with her! Still he found himself standing motionlessly at what his heart told him as it sank into the pits of his stomach. Let her go Remus. She does'nt feel anything for you. Just watch her from afar like you always have been. Slowly the door shut again, his eyes glued to its oaken face as he stared blankly at it. He could'nt believe himself now. All this time he had been chasing after her within his mind and now he would'nt budge forward. His feet were frozen to the Owlery's floor, yet he was'nt aware of his surroundings. It was like time had stopped in its tracks, leaving him to wither slowly away. Slowly he found himself tracing his steps back to the window sill, eyes downcast at the black lake. His gaze stared at it hopelessly, though he could only see Parker's eyes, filled with sorrow. He found his lids falling to meet the lower ones, tightly closing as he tried to rewind the last few moments. The kiss still lingered on his lips, even more so then the stench of firewhiskey that splattered the floor. He was torn inside, feeling the kiss would haunt him unless he spilled his guts out to Parker. In no time at all he became sickened with himself as if a puking hex had been placed upon him. He found himself sinking to the floor as a hand still hung onto the window
sill for leverage. The other hand hit the floor as his mouth filled with the vile taste of vomit. It came quick and his stomach lurched in pain. His throat burned madly as he felt the liqour stinging at his esphogaus as it released the days contents all over the floor. He wiped his mouth clean as he forced himself to stand up and turn to see a mirror. He found its reflection disgusting. Immidiately he found his hand reaching for his wand and in an instant, his wand waved violently at the mirror and it shattered into a thousand pieces.

The pieces scattered at his feet and he stepped angrily over them. He was mad at himself. So much that tears began leaking from the boy's gentle brown eyes as the anger slowly began fading. He scanned the room again, suddenly realizing his prescense in the Owlery. His wand raised again and he repaired the mirror with a light wave. He watched his reflection afew moments and then pulled a pair of black sunglasses from his robe pocket, courtesy of his father. He placed them over his eyes in hopes of hiding his reddening eyes from his fellow peers. He had never let anyone see him cry, not even his friends for he was sure they would never let him live it down while he stayed here at Hogwarts. He let his hand reach for the door again and took each step with care. He was'nt exactly sure where Parker had gone, but she ran around in his mind for the rest of the night. He thought the commonroom would still have its warm, welcoming feeling as he slowly made his way towards the portrait of the fat lady. He stood in front of the picture, eyes cast downwards as the fat lady took to looking him over.
"Password? Might I say young prefect, black does nothing for your complexion my dear." The portrait said disapproved.
Remus looked up, realising he was in front of the portrait. He gave no reply to the fat lady as he mumbled the password and lightly stepped inside. It was rather dark in here so he decided to remove the shades and found the curtains had been drawn. He could hear someone moving about in the girl's dormitory and he could only think of Parker up there, writting in her journal as he regularly caught her doing. The boy's dormitory sound inviting, but the screeching sound of James and Sirius snorring like freight trains did'nt. So with a wave of his wand, Remus conjured a small blanket and pillow so he could sleep out here. As he pulled his shoes and heavy robes off, slipped into his blanket on the warm couch however, he found his eyes closing. Not out of sleep, but sadness. He pulled the pillow to his face, sopping up some of the tears that still leaked from his eyes. No sound emitted from his mouth, just silent tears streaking into his feather down pillow.